How is it that you can be surrounded by people and still feel completely alone? Right now I feel terribly alone. I feel trapped and disappointed...The illusion that there is a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow has temped me to make life-altering changes only to realize that it was the wrong decision.
Why is it that the people you thought were always the closest to you only push you away? And the place you always thought you'd feel the safest has left you exposed and vulnerable. Your own family can hurt you or blame you or purposely cause conflict just to sit back and watch the consequences of their actions.
I feel like a leaf lying on the ground...Whenever there's a strong wind, it blows me away to a new place. I have no home town and have no place to really call my home. I only have two little faces looking at me with love and innocence. Everyday I walk around with a pocket full of regrets...Not because of my kids, but because I wish I had more to offer them.
There's always a lesson to be learned, and I guess mine is that eventually you will be disappointed by someone who always meant the world to you...And, in return, you'll become a disappointment to someone else.
New Assigments and Learning to Sail
2 years ago
5 comments:
Oh wow! I hope you are feeling better... I'm right there with you though.
Shas
Are you sure that they feel disappointed? I really doubt that they do. We have priorities and levels that we feel that we need to perform at that don't mean squat to our kids.
It is really hard to move to a new place and new places always mean lonely times even when you are surrounded by others.
First go to your faith. God will give you a comfort that no one or no thing on this earth can provide.
Second....now come on...Jason's job is much better...the possibility and potential much better right? Seems to me that that is prioritizing the boys right there. It is really hard to live with other people when you have lived on your own. I lived with my inlaws when our first born arrived because I didn't want to return to a 70 hour a week job. We had a lot of good times there but I hated every minute because it wasn't MY house. I couldn't put things where I wanted them or silly things like that. We too wanted to buy a house but decided that the real priority was living on our own and owning a house would come later. As you know...it has all worked out fine and my kids have great life and they are very happy. Kids are far more realistic than we are as adults when it comes to what makes them happy.
Of course we all miss you here but your relationship with your hubby and your family is very important. Doing what is best for you in the long run-not the immediate- almost 99% of the time is the answer. When we do what is best for our immediate need often times the long term effects are worse than the immediate need that needed to be filled.
It is scary to move so far away from what you knew but have faith and take heart...it will get better!
I am your "sister of the strong wind". I know what you mean by that in the deepest core of my self. I also have my pocket full of regrets.... But when I remind myself of the truely IMPORTANT things in life....love, family, faith..... those regrets just seem so tiny.. SO tiny that they eventually fall out of the hole in my pocket and litter my past like flower seeds. Every bad decision is the birth of a GOOD decision. Hang in there. Soon you will have a garden.
Hey there chicky-poo
I have been there and am there occassionally when I don't even expect it, but then something wonderful happens with Alexander and even though there are those not so great things I have him so I have to overcome those obsitcales put in my path. If you ever need anything I am here. I know that life isn't perfect I feel like I have more downs than ups most of the time. My suggestion is put on some music and drive it's theraputic. Love Ya
I am a firm believer in doing the best you can with what you have and letting God handle the rest. Who can ask more of you than that? Unfortunately, our disappointments of other people are what they are. I am occasionally disappointed but very rarely suprised. People are so very imperfect and make so many mistakes. Even basically good people can make malicious mistakes and then later discover that whatever they were thinking or feeling was wrong. Forgiveness in your heart does wonders for you and can sometimes be very humbling to the other party. I hope you can fill your heart with faith, forgiveness and peace and that things become more comfortable for you soon.
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